


Don't Mention It, Sammy

by KitKatWinchester



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: And we all know it, Angst, Basically Sam Wouldn't Be Who He Is Without Dean, Canon Compliant, DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE THE FINALE, DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE SPN SERIES FINALE, Dean Winchester Loves Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester Takes Care of Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester and Sam Winchester are Siblings, Dean Winchester is Protective of Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester is a Good Older Brother, Dean Winchester's Birthday, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Good Older Sibling Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, IT WILL RUIN IT, POV Sam Winchester, Parent Sam Winchester, Post-Season/Series Finale, Quote: Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically irrationally erotically codependent on each other, SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS, Sam Winchester Loves Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester is a Good Little Brother, Sam and Dean Winchester Are the Best Brothers on Television, Series Finale, Supernatural (TV) Spoilers, THIS STORY IS ONLY FOR PEOPLE WHO LIKED THE FINALE, WHICH ALSO MEANS SPOILERS!!, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:54:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29046462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitKatWinchester/pseuds/KitKatWinchester
Summary: In 2005, Sam's life changed in a way he never would have expected.In 2020, it changed all over again.Now, fifteen years later, he's doing his best to Carry On...just like everyone else.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester Jr. (Supernatural: Carry On) & Sam Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 10
Kudos: 21





	Don't Mention It, Sammy

**Author's Note:**

> TWO MAJOR WARNINGS!! 
> 
> 1\. This story takes place AFTER the events of Supernatural's series finale, "Carry On". If you HAVE NOT seen this episode, TURN BACK NOW! This fic has MAJOR spoilers. 
> 
> 2\. This story is a CANON COMPLIANT story that APPRECIATES the finale. There was so much controversy about the finale, and in a lot of ways, this fic accidentally turned into my hot take on why the finale worked. As such, if you DIDN'T like the finale, DO NOT READ. I'm warning you now, because I don't want to fight with people in the comments about their own takes on the finale and all the reasons it "sucked". I get it. A lot of you didn't like it. _I _did. So DO NOT READ THIS if you don't agree, because you will hate it. I'm warning you now. Just. Don't. Do. It.__
> 
> __If, after those warnings, you're still getting ready to read this fic, then:_ _
> 
> __Hello, readers! Welcome to my little post-series finale fic that I unintentionally made myself cry with. Great start, huh?_ _
> 
> __Initially, I started this fic as a birthday fic for Dean Winchester, but somewhere along the line, it turned into a little bit more than that, and I actually really like the direction it took...even if it does hurt my heart. :'( <3 _ _
> 
> __I _was _intending to post this on Dean's actual birthday, but life got busy, so here I am, posting it several days after. However, given the structure of the story, I think it still works. :)___ _
> 
> ____All of that said, I hope you guys enjoy this little ficlet! And, while I doubt anyone is quite as emotional as I am, just in case, you may want tissues. ;) <3_ _ _ _

At first, he felt stupid doing it. After all, it wasn’t as if celebrating changed anything. 

But as the years went on, Sam finally realized that, in some odd way, going out for burgers and pie on January 24th kept him close to his brother. He even ordered his brother’s favorite meals, letting himself splurge for that one day, in memory of the person who’d always been there for him more than anyone else. 

Despite the positive memories that every re-lived journey brought back, each one came with a world of hurt, and it just made him feel the loss deeper. Even when he eventually married, bringing his wife along, she only filled the emptiness so much. 

But then his son was born, and everything changed. 

When he nervously asked Eileen if they could name him after his brother, she didn’t even hesitate, kissing him lightly before signing an “of course”. 

And when little Dean was finally old enough to handle the long drives, Sam started bringing him along.

They both took a few days off every year in January--from school and work--and drove to one of the various burger joints that Sam and his brother had hit up in their many years on the road. Sometimes Eileen came along, but as Dean got older, she left them to their own devices, electing to keep up with things at home in order to “give them father-son bonding time”, as she liked to say. 

Dean, for his part, was the best son Sam could’ve asked for, especially when it came to celebrating his uncle’s birthday. From the second they made their way out to the Impala--because even years later, Sam kept his brother’s pride and joy running--to the minute they re-entered the house after days on the road, all Dean wanted to talk about was his uncle.

“Tell me another story about Uncle Dean, Daddy,” he’d say, bouncing up and down excitedly. Sam always smiled fondly, launching into stories ranging from his brother’s pranks, to his failure at board games, to his surprisingly well-done recipes. Eventually, as Dean grew into his teen years, the stories grew more serious as Sam talked more about their monster hunts and their expansive family, making the story-telling less about making his son laugh and more about showing him just how important his namesake really was not just to Sam, but to the world. 

As such, it probably shouldn’t have surprised Sam when, a few days before their scheduled road trip, Dean’s pencil stopped writing on the homework sheet he was working on as he paused, looking up in thought. Sam looked up from his own book he was reading, patiently waiting for his now fourteen-year-old son to say what was on his mind.

“Hey Dad,” he started, but then he gave Sam a sideways glance before shaking his head a little, returning his pencil to the paper with a small: “Never mind.” Sam frowned, putting his book to the side and leaning forward in his chair.

“No go ahead,” Sam replied, causing his son to stop writing again. “What’s up, bud?” Dean froze for a minute, glancing up at Sam, then glancing back down at the paper, a guilty expression on his face. 

“I don’t know,” Dean started apprehensively. “It’s just...it’s a...it’s not a great question. I don’t wanna make you talk about it.” Sam smiled fondly at his conscientiousness before voicing his support. 

“You can ask me anything, kiddo. You know that.” Dean looked up at him again, wide-eyed and curious before looking down again, putting his pencil on the table and shuffling a little as he finally started to ask his question.

“Well...I guess I’m just wondering…” he started, tapping his fingers nervously. “When...when Uncle Dean died…” Sam tensed, and his son’s eyes flicked up to him, noticing the movement, but Sam willed himself to relax, urging his son to continue with a nod. Eventually, he did, though clearly reluctantly. “I guess I just...I mean...after all of the stories you’ve told me...why did you stop?” Sam tensed again, already sensing the end of this question and not liking where it was going, but this time, Dean didn’t seem to notice. “I mean, obviously he was hurt, badly, and...an ambulance probably wouldn’t have gotten there in time, but...what about Jack? Or the angels? Or even the demons? Couldn’t they have saved him? I mean...what made this time different?” Dean looked up at him then, and he finally seemed to notice the tension in his dad’s shoulders, because he shrank down, backtracking quickly. “I’m sorry, Dad. I didn’t mean to--”

“No,” Sam interrupted him softly, attempting to compose himself. “No it’s...it’s okay.” Sam smiled at him reassuringly, but his thoughts quickly got away with him, and he found himself looking away to stare at the wall. 

Sam had thought about that so many times. He could have tried harder to save him. He could’ve done more. He  _ should’ve  _ done more. Hell, if he had called Jack, there was no doubt he would’ve healed Dean in a heartbeat. 

So why didn’t he? 

It was a question he’d been trying to answer for years. It was a question that came to his head every time he stepped into a different burger joint, or got behind the wheel of the Impala, or looked at the background picture on his phone, or turned over in bed in the middle of the night and saw the photos sitting on his nightstand.

It was a question he’d been thinking about since that fateful day, fifteen years ago, and a question he’d never quite been able to answer. 

As the wheels turned in his head, Sam realized absentmindedly that Eileen had walked into the kitchen, and based on the way she was standing in the corner, staring at them silently, he knew she could sense the gravity of the conversation, even if she hadn’t seen what they were saying. Looking for some sort of anchor for his scrambling thoughts, he turned to look at her, and she gave him a small smile, her eyes darting over to their son briefly before locking her gaze on him again. 

And it was that small movement that finally made him realize why. 

Taking a deep breath, he gestured for Eileen to join them as he turned back to his son, touching his arm lightly so that Dean looked up at him again. 

“You’re right,” Sam started. “Someone probably could’ve saved him. And, for a really long time, I felt guilty for not having done enough. And honestly, a part of me still does.” His wife and son were both staring at him intently, his son’s rapt attention urging Sam to continue. “But that day, I think your uncle and I both knew that it was just...time.” He choked on the words a little, but he urged himself to continue, fighting back tears. “I always wanted Dean to have a life. I felt like he could move on without me, and be happy with a family of his own. But...I think I’ve realized that that wasn’t the life for him. No matter how much I wanted it to be, his life was always about protecting me, and giving me everything I could ever need or want.” Despite his best efforts, Sam’s eyes were watering. Eileen reached over to put a gentle hand on his arm, and he reached his other hand over to grasp hers gratefully. 

“And...he always wanted me to have a life-- _ this _ life. He wanted me to go to school, to start a family, to grow old...all of it. And I think, deep down, we both knew that as long as we were together, neither of us would ever have that.” A tear slipped out and down Sam’s cheek, and he took a deep breath, glancing at the wall to regain his composure before turning back to his son and looking him in the eyes.

“Dean did more for me than anyone else ever could. And even now, today, he’s doing that, by giving me the chance to be with you, and your mom.” He nodded his head towards Eileen with a smile, and she leaned in and gently kissed his cheek, resting her head on his shoulder as he continued. “The thing he’d always wanted, more than anything else, was for me to be happy. And while there will always be something missing, knowing he’s gone, with both of you, I  _ am  _ happy, and I think that would make your uncle happier than anything he could’ve done while he was here. And now, with all of this, the only regret I have is that you never got to meet him.” 

Sam’s son stared up at him, a curious, unreadable expression on his face, but eventually, he smiled, a hint of sadness in his next words: 

“Yeah, me too,” he whispered out, looking down briefly before looking up at his dad again, smiling a little wider. “But I’m really glad that he helped make you my dad.” And the remaining apprehension that Sam had been feeling at his answer melted away as his heart filled with warmth. He ruffled his son’s hair before pulling him in for a half hug, which the teen surprisingly accepted. However, it was only for a few seconds, because then Dean was pulling away with a likely very intentional murmur of “no chick flick moments” that wound up sending Sam into a fit of laughter--a fit his family quickly joined in on. And as they all finally settled down, and Eileen got up to work on dinner, and Dean picked his pencil back up to finish his homework, Sam stood and crossed into the living room, walking towards the fireplace with their mantle of family photos. 

Carefully, his eyes glanced over them, finally landing on the one of him and Dean, standing in front of the Impala, laughing. He smiled a little, reaching for it and bringing it closer, studying every detail as tears made their way into his eyes again.

“I couldn’t have done it, any of it, without you,” he whispered to the picture, closing his eyes with a fond smile on his face. “Thank you for being my big brother.”

And if he strained his hearing, he swore he could hear the whispered response, all fondness and affection, just like always.

“Don’t mention it, Sammy.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed that story! I hope you're okay, and if I did make you cry, I'm sorry (not really). 
> 
> I started Supernatural in 2011, and it became such a huge part of my life for the next ten years. As such, a part of me will never, _ever _be over the fact that it's over--I still haven't been able to re-watch the finale purely out of emotional loss and pain.__
> 
> __That said, no matter what happens in the future, I know that Supernatural will always hold a special place in my heart, and even with the controversy, and the fights, and whatever other issues this finale may have caused, I have faith that years down the line, the SPN Family will still be here, spreading love in times when it matters most._ _
> 
> __I love and appreciate this show so much, and I love and appreciate the ENTIRE cast and crew-- _especially _Jensen and Jared--for putting in the fifteen years of work that they did to make such an _amazing _thing happen and come to light. And I always will._____ _
> 
> ______If any of you want to talk about the show, its impact, the finale, or anything in between, come say hi on[Tumblr!](https://kitkatwinchester.tumblr.com/)  
> I always love talking to more people in my SPN Family. _ _ _ _ _ _
> 
> ______I hope you all are coping okay, and if you're not, just remember: family always has your back._ _ _ _ _ _
> 
> ______Always Keep Fighting. <3 _ _ _ _ _ _
> 
> ______Love you all. <3_ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
